Life Coaching for Gay Men

When I entered the LGBTQ+ community, I was shocked by the lack of emotional maturity I experienced in many of the gay men I was meeting. Broken relationships, infidelity, substance abuse, and bullying all seemed to be an accepted and normal part of the gay landscape. I simply wasn’t interested in doing it that way.

Once at a party, a young gay man I knew said, “I want to be gay like you.” I think what he was saying was, “I’m looking for a better way to do this thing. I want a good life. Where are the role models?”

He's not alone.

What kind of life do you want? 

Does this sound familiar? “Hey handsome. What are you looking for?” (Sends unsolicited, indiscrete pics.) Many solid gay men use inappropriate behavior on the apps to filter out gay men who aren't “relationship material.” If dick pics is what you want in a man, knock yourself out. But if you’re hoping to find (& keep) a gay man, it doesn't work. Gay men involved in the “hookup” life approach casual sex with very low expectations for finding love. So, maybe it’s time to try something else. 

Coming out can look different for everyone. It doesn’t require a public post on social media. You get to do it the way YOU want to do it because this moment is about you.

I remember the day I came out. How can telling the truth be so hard, right? But I believe that the truth really can set us free. We have one life, and that life is immeasurably better when we are living as our most authentic selves.

This was a huge stumbling block for me. It reminds me of the scene from Rocky III when Adrian confronts her Rocky’s fear head on. “We’ve got everything but the truth. What’s the truth, damn it?!” The truth of our sexuality isn’t hiding from us. We just need to clear the path in order to see and accept it. There was a time when I didn’t think that was possible. But I was wrong. It's time put an end to this exhausting question once and for all?

I grew up in conservative, non-affirming churches. After college, I took it a step further and worked professionally a pastor for over 25 years. That said, I know a thing or two about the pain religion has caused gay men.

In our churches, there was so much at stake. It's what people often missed; that the choice for our sexuality was a loaded gun. We weren't choosing being straight and gay. We were choosing between straight and Hell.

Shaking this ingrained and rigid system of beliefs isn’t easy, but it can be done. Whether you believe in god or not, freedom is possible.