Noise-Cancelling Headphones

I grew up deeply embedded in the church. Every part of my life was tied to religion. But what promised freedom quickly became a rotten and demoralizing source of restriction and heartache. I constantly heard the church’s voice saying, “No. You cannot be that. You cannot DO that. You are NOT that.”

For decades, the message was clear. “No. No. No.”

Breaking free from this mindset has taken serious work. And while the church shouldn’t define who I am, the old messages linger, whispering doubts. I can still hear them, even after turning the volume knob all the way down.

The twisted narrative of captivity, restriction, and suppression is ingrained in me. It is written on my heart in such terrible handwriting. Yet sadly, I can make out every word.

My body and mind tried to lead me toward happiness and peace; they knew the way. But the old messages insisted that what I wanted—what I needed—was impossible. They warned me that if I trusted myself, everyone would leave.

But what is most devastating is this…

Over time, their voice became my own.

Living that way is not possible. It’s wrong and you know it’s wrong. Everyone will be hurt because of you. They’ll leave you. You will not survive.

But I did survive. And today, I’m learning what it means to live in peace and happiness.

This photograph is a metaphor for silencing the voices that don’t know a damn thing about me. All I need to do is put on my headphones. I know how to drown out their noise. I know how to listen to my own heart. I am finally living life on my own terms.

I don’t expect the voices will ever completely disappear. But with noise-cancelling headphones, I’ve gotten very good at tuning them out. Because when it comes to MY life, the only voice I need to hear clearly is my own.

And if they don’t like it, they can fuck right off … although quietly.